[at-l] Gotti, Billy Bob Thornton and Startzell

[sevy@conknet.com]

Due to all this bad talk lately about Wingfoot, FELIX made me repost this
item from 2/28/97:

1997 Donations Announced By ATC

Harper's Ferry, WV

	David N. Startzell, Executive Director of the ATC announced the following
major donations at a lunchtime press conference today:

1. ACME NATIONAL VENDING MACHINE COMPANY

	Antonio "little hiker" Gotti III, the 3'9" CEO of Acme National was
visibly quite emotional as he embraced Startzell several times throughout
the press conference.  Acme had just donated 5,000 cigarette vending
machines to the conference.

	Startzell hopes to retrofit the machines for placement in all trailside
shelters and at "significant road crossings to maximize the use by both
hikers and non-hikers alike."

	Each unit will be painted in such a manner as to "compliment the natural
beauty of the local area as well as being triple-blazed to aid the weary
hiker in identification."  When asked what the conference planned to sell
in these machines, David replied, "Gee, I don't know - hiker stuff?"

	Finally, Dan Bruce abruptly walked to the front of the crowded room and
announced that he had already begun work on "Vending Machines - The Where,
the What and the How Much" a combined master's thesis and supplement to his
popular, The Thru-Hiker's Guide.  He added that the supplement will be
available by May 1 and come with a color coded map and complimentary AT
token for use in any machine from Georgia to Maine.

2. BILLY BOB THORNTON ENTERPRISES

	Billy Bob Thornton has agree to donate all proceeds from his upcoming
movie to the ATC.

	He further pledged to match any and all donations made during 1997 from
any person with two first names.

	Suddenly David Startzell took the microphone from Billy Bob and announced
that Benton Mackaye, father of the AT, was actually "Benton Lee Mackaye"
and Myron Avery, first son of the AT, was actually "Bobbi Sue Avery" after
the tragic accident with his handmade measuring wheel on the steep descent
of East Baldpate.

	The press conference ended dramatically as Wingfoot gave the first token
to "liitle hiker" Gotti as he was hoisted up as if a mere daypack by the
executive director and placed on the shoulders of Billy Bob Thornton.  As
the little man dropped the token in the green and brown fern-motif machine
the room fell deathly silent.  A roar erupted as Wingfoot fell to his
knees, pulled the plunger as a knight reclaiming his sword and reached in
to claim the cherished prize.  All four then turned to face the crowd as
Wingfoot held up the very first AT Hiker Bar by Snickers.

As told to I. Bamaman 1997

Copyright 1997 D.S. Severance
The Ossipee Mountain News
<http://www.conknet.com/d_severance>
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